The past few weeks have had some huge highs and one crushing low.

Last Wendnesday, we got back the results of my Mom's CAT Scan. It showed that the cancer has been reduced, though not eliminated, by the chemo Her doctor was very encouraged by this as he epxplained that the largest change in the numbers typically happens in the last two treatments. Her numbers had basically dropped in half from what they were before she started chemo. We are all very encouraged by this news. Amy and the kids took Lucy (the dog) to meet up with my dad. Since I had a conference in Kansas City this past weekend and Amy and kids were coming along, we'd asked my parents to watch Lucy.

On Thursday, we drove to Kansas City, MO. The drive got a bit long with a couple of mildly cranky kids (and a cranky me as MapQuest driving directions SUCK!), but was decent The conference was at the Hyatt and Westin in downtown KC. We ended up staying at the Hyatt. The conference (American Counseling Association - I'm a card carrying member) was cool. I got to meet and listen to presentations by some of the pioneers of therapy - Ellis, Carlson, Glasser, Krumboltz. I also got to talk with a few people whose books I either read in grad. school or since that time (Corey, Sommers-Flannagan, Kottler). I also got to see some of my former professors and get caught up with them.

The highlight of the conference was a presentation I gave. I did a presentation about integrating some comic book things into therapy with a client. It went very well. I had at least 133 people in the room, and probably more - I was told the room held 110 and brought that many handouts. I had 23 people sign up for me to email it to them. I also wrote out my work email address, and have already started getting a few requests from people not otherwise signed up. One of my former professors told me that I should get my technique published ASAP as it is good and someone may try to steal it as their own. Something to get cracking on.

The low occurred when we got home. I called my parents to let them know we were home, to inquire how things went with Lucy, and arrange to meet to get her back. We won't be getting Lucy back. On Thursday, Lucy got stuck on her chain around something in my parents yard. This typically scares Lucy a bit. My mom went out and reached for Lucy's chain to lead her around. Lucy bit Mom. Took 3 stitches. Mom asked that we put Lucy down and Amy and I agreed that it is the only course of action, though it breaks our heart. My folks hadn't done anything to Lucy (beyond continuing to care for her, feed her, walk her, etc.) until they had a chance to find out if we wanted them to take Lucy in or we wanted to do it ourselves. After a lot of crying, talking, and reflectiion, we decided it would be best if they took Lucy over and put her to sleep. The kids (o.k., Accalia) know where Lucy is right now, that she bit Grandma, that she won't be coming back to live with us, and that she's going to be put to sleep tomorrow.

Lucy is a lab/chow mix. A beautiful dog. We think that once or twice when we left her at a kennel, she was beaten. She started to react to any raise in our voices by barking/getting aggressive herself. Prior to my mother, she had bitten three other people severely. Myself in April on 2002, my wife's cousin in May of 2003, my brother in Nov. of 2003. The last two (and the one on my mother) required medical attention. Mine probably did, but I love this dog and didn't want her labeled as a vicious dog as I did provoke the bite in my case (the other two are up to interpretation). We've been trying to recall the good stuff about Lucy, though it is hard to do. I feel a lot of grief because I feel I failed her in some way. I also feel enourmous guilt because I'm not going to be there when she leaves this earth. I sent Mom some things I want her to tell Lucy from us when Lucy is being put under. The fact is that I've been there twice when my dogs have been put to sleep, both because of illness. I think if I got there, I'd be tempted to save Lucy. You know, do something I should have already done. I'm also feeling guilty because I'm already having some thoughts about how much more convenient things will be without her around. The bite on Amy's cousin got Lucy banned from Amy's parent's house - so we'd have to board her or leave her with my folks. The bite on my brother got her banned from being near him or his kids. Most kennels in the area wouldn't take her because she'd become very aggressive in those situations. She ate like a horse, would pee on one of the rugs if we left it down, routinely woke my up in the middle of the night to let her out to pee, barked at everything and anything that she saw...

She also was always overjoyed when I'd get back from a day at work, just waiting for me to take her out for a walk. Since Cole was born, that time was really my time with Lucy. We'd walk around the neighborhood, on the nearby nature trail. We'd roam all around. She also made me feel protected. I never worried about someone breaking into our house with Lucy asleep on the couch. I can recall one time when we awoke to hear Lucy jumping to try to catch something. Turns out it was a bat that we'd not known was in the house.

I'm going to miss that mutt. It shouldn't have ended this way. In some ways, as much as it hurts to admit it, I'm relieved that it is ending before she hurt someone even more severely than she already has. Over the next couple of posts, I'm probably going to be sharing my memories of Lucy.

Lucy, we love you and we're going to miss you. Please forgive us.