I'd love to say that today was beautiful and uplifting. It wasn't. It wasn't the hell on earth that I felt when Mom was first diagnosed. That hollow pit in my gut is back. Feels like nothing will fill it ever. Don't like that feeling. Means that I'm in mourning.

I have discovered today that we'll have a lot of support in the weeks and months ahead. Amy's family has been great with offers to help with the kids if we need it, etc. I do feel like I was blessed twice when I married her. I got her and I became a member of her family.

Accalia was told last night that Grandma Nelson will soon be going to live in heaven with God. Her response was that grandma will be where Lucy is. She seems okay with Mom going there, maybe because Lucy's death paved the way for her to understand death a little more.

Amy has been my rock. She's been so good about listening and holding me and crying with me. We spent some time recalling some funny moments with my mom, like when she thought Amy couldn't have possibly seen a skunk outside of my parent's house or when the automatic shut off wasn't working on a gas pump Mom was using and she yelled, "I can hear it getting to the top. What do I do?!?!?" Even now, I think of those things and can smile. I'm happy that there are so many good and funny memories of my mom. Even just remembering playing board games with her on Sunday afternoons or how she'd play Pac-Man on our Atari and move her whole body along with the joystick.

Heard Amy talking with one of the kids earlier tonight about going to visit "Grandma and Grandpa Nelson" tomorrow. I realized that soon we'll be talking with them about going to visit Grandpa alone.

I'm terrified about tomorrow and seeing Mom She's lost a lot of weight the last time I'd seen her. That doesn't scare me. What scares me is that tomorrow might be the last time I see her, talk to her, hold her hand, kiss her, hear her voice.

I am praying that the end is quick because I don't want her to suffer. I want her to be taken to heaven and never feel pain or fear again.