Back from my grandpa’s funeral. He was embalmed. I’m not sure if that was per his wishes or what my grandma wanted as grandpa is going to be embalmed. He didn’t really look like himself, but dead people never look like themselves. There isn’t that spark. When he had his heart attack, he drove (slowly) into a house. He must not have been wearing a seatbelt as his nose was broken. There was still some bruising evident on his nose. As the house he hit was across from the hospital and his crash was witnessed by a nurse (I think…) Grandpa received medical care immediately, but there was nothing that could be done. He did look peaceful lying there.

There were pictures that Pat and her girls had put together. One of them was a picture from 1960 of Mom and Grandpa sitting together. My cousin, Pegi, said it was the only picture from back then of Grandpa with one of the kids.

The service was nice. The pastor hadn’t known Grandpa all that well, but remembered him as a quiet man. He added in his sermon that at a youth group meeting on Wednesday night, Grandpa’s passing came up and one of the 16 year olds in attendance remembered Grandpa from when he’d worked at the school and commented about what a nice guy he’d been. Dad cried a lot during the service. Amy said it looked like he’d had the most trouble when the flag was presented to Grandma.

I’d heard that Grandpa had served in the military, but hadn’t known when or where until I read his obituary. Grandpa served in the Army toward the end of World War II. I never heard him talk about it. Now that I know, I have a bunch of questions I wished I’d asked him.

The service concluded with a balloon release. We weren’t sure what would happen because of the temperature (around 8 degrees) but all 20 balloons (1 for each great-grandchild) went straight up into the sky. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a helium balloon get that high in the sky.

One of the plants at the service was on behalf of the great-grandchildren. It is a small evergreen tree that is going to be planted at my aunt Pat and uncle Rich’s cabin as a living memorial. The cabin was a place Grandpa liked to go and he loved seeing the kids having fun.

It was nice seeing my cousins and uncles and aunts again but we all agreed that we’d prefer better circumstances.

Dad has an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon on 2/1. He is also going to try to get an MRI on his right shoulder. He had injured it the night before Mom died, trying to get her back to bed (Mom had basically collapsed). He went to physical therapy, but quit as it had reached a point where the shoulder would feel good until he got to therapy, then they’d do things in the session to aggravate it and the whole process would start again. His neck is bothering him, especially if he moves it in one direction too quickly. In talking with him about the negligence in his fall, he said someone had cleared snow off the walk he was on and the surface beneath was like polished ice. Other businesses along main street had ice melt down, just not the bar. Dad said he’s been getting dicked around by the insurance agent that covers the city, so he’s no longer looking at just getting his medical bills paid and may end up hiring the attorney that handled his case against Hardee’s.

Got to see my brother and his wife, which is always nice. I started ripping on the idiocy of the average criminal. Both looked at me like I was possessed. I guess they think I’m a liberal so I think all criminals should be given hugs, not imprisonment.

I talked with Grandma today about assisted living. She is seeming mildly receptive. In talking with my cousin, Susan, it sounds like there are no openings in any of the area assisted living centers. I think my uncle Neil and his wife are going to take Grandma around to a few places so she can see what they are like. I told Amy that if Mom were alive and healthy, if there was nothing available in the Redfield area, I could see Mom talking Grandma into going into a center near Lake Wilson. Who knows, if they aren’t able to find anything in NE SD, it still could happen.

We just got word a few minutes ago that my grandfather died of a heart attack. I don't know how old he is off hand. That would have been something Mom would have known. Grandpa was on his way to work and apparently knew something was wrong as he was headed to the hospital when the heart attack quit. In a way, I'm glad this is how he went. He'd been treated several times for colon-rectal cancer and I didn't want to see him waste away like Mom had.

Grandpa was the only grandfather I ever knew. He is actually my step-grandfather, but in my heart, he is Grandpa and always will be. My dad's dad died before I was born. I saw my mom's dad twice that I can recall in my life.

I can remember having a awful dream when I was 10 or 11 and finally figured out how Grandpa fit into the picture. I remember in the dream I yelled at him that he didn't matter because he wasn't "really" my grandfather. Thank God it was only a dream. Just the same, I felt guilty about that dream for years.

Amy and I were talking a little bit and agreed that the only memories we have of Grandpa are good ones. The only negative would have been his snoring (could shake the walls!). Grandpa worked a lot out of state, so it was a big deal when he came back around. He always had this cherry flavored gum for Mark and I when we'd get in to ride in his truck. He and Grandma did fight a lot (though not often in front of the grandkids) but in the last few years, they had grown closer.

A favorite memory that came to me as I was writing this was of a Christmas when I was 4 or 5. We'd spent Christmas Eve at my Grandma Nelson's and had driven from their to Redfield. When we got there, my cousins were all there. We finally settled down enough to go to sleep. In the wee hours of the morning, we were woken up by our parents and told that Santa was there. We went out into the living room. Sure enough, there was Santa. He gave each one of us a gift and even knew our names. As stuff with Santa was winding up, I started looking around and realized that Grandpa wasn't around. When Santa disappeared and Grandpa reappeared, I excitedly told him that he'd missed seeing Santa.

Grandpa would have given a person he loved the clothes off his back. He always seemed to be smiling or on the verge of a smile. I'm going to miss his laugh. He was an incredible person and though we weren't related by blood, I am proud to have been his grandson and hope I continue to be a man he'd be proud of.

Finally feel close to normal physically. Still have a bit of a cough, but things are going much better. I may have blown out some vessels in my eye by coughing. The positive thing (other than having a half-demonic looking eye for a day) is that as things are being reabsorbed, the little bump on my eye (the eye doc. said it was nothing to worry about) has disappeared as well.

We have started to make use of our Summit Center membership. We took the kids to open swim on Sat. and Sun. and I made use of the pool for laps today. I ended up getting in about 12 laps (6 shy of a half-mile). Luckily, I’m not too into myself and am realistic about my condition. After two laps, I realized that I was going to need to rest between laps, so with lap # 3, I started resting a minute between laps. Not the best, but it is a start. It also helps me to plan some goals. One is to increase my number of laps to 18 within the month. The other is to decrease the time between laps. I’m going to try cutting back to 45 seconds tomorrow. That should help me get in a couple more laps in my allotted time.

When I was a sophomore at SDSU, I ended up taking a swim conditioning class. The first day was hell. Only ten laps, but we only had 90 seconds to get each lap completed. If we got done early, we’d get to rest. If not, we were swimming continuously. Needless to say, I was swimming continuously. By the end, I was feeling like puking. We had 4-5 people drop the class because it was too hard. The workouts in the class got easier after that. The instructor was tough the first day to get rid of anyone not serious about the class. I ended up also going to lap swim a couple evenings a week and ended up losing about 30 lbs. before the semester was over. Didn’t change what I ate, just added the exercise. It is 12 years later. I have started to track what I’m taking in on a daily basis and will hopefully be able to make some better choices regarding food.

Work has been good. Still a few pain in the butt inmates, but nothing I can’t handle. The new therapist is working out great. If only we were allowed to do therapy. We’ve been told we need to do groups. We offered two and got a total of 3 people to sign up – not enough to have a group in a prison setting given that people are moved between facilities, paroled, and/or put in segregation. I was hoping for at least 10 to sign up. We’re going to offer 2 more groups then re-approach the powers that be about re-establishing individual therapy case loads. Exciting stuff, I know.

Watched "Open Water" and "Saved" over the weekend. Open Water was a bit depressing and more than a little freaky, more in the premise, as that HAS happened to people before. Amy didn’t like the end. "Saved" was very funny. Great look at the religious right and how intolerant they can be at times even though they are preaching tolerance to others. We started watching "The Manchurian Candidate" last night but didn’t get through it. We have started looking for implants, however.

Just saw on CNN that the Bush administration is considering attacking Iran. Yeah, great idea. Start ANOTHER war you have no fucking idea how to finish. Of course, never-ending wars are good for the economy. Soldiers use stuff and need stuff and a dead person can’t hold a job, so there will be some unprecedented job growth under President Howdy Doody.

To paraphrase the Guiness commercials, "Start another war when the other two aren’t finished yet? BRILLIANT!"

Yes, still sick. I’ve now been sick since the day after Christmas, been very sick since 1/2/05. I ended up taking 2 days off from work this week. It helped and I was feeling better, but seem to be backsliding a bit. Doesn’t help that last night I discovered I have pink eye. Never had it before, hoping it won’t last long now. Looking on the web, I have the symptoms of viral pink eye. No need for prescription drops. It is highly contagious and can last 14-21 days. Not going to be able to start using our Summit Center family pass until this is cleared up.

Good thing is that we’ve gotten in some movies. Anchorman was funny, Napoleon Dynamite was not (not even in that "it’s so not funny that it’s funny" kind of way), Dodgeball was hilarious (even seeing it again), and The Bourne Supremacy was okay (not enough to get me standing in line for the next one).

Worst thing has been this damned cough. I’ll wake up once or twice a night and it is like I’m drowning and immediately go into a coughing fit. The fit isn’t a productive cough, it just makes everything hurt – my eyes, my jaw, my head, even my sides. I’ve gotten to the point a couple of times of nearly throwing up because I’m coughing so hard. I feel bad because I know I’m waking up Amy and the kids. I’ll probably try sleeping in the guest room tonight so they don’t have to put up with it.

Anyway, I woke up this morning around 1 AM. I debated taking more NyQuill, then decided to try and gut it out. The nice thing about the coughing fit is that when its done, I can sleep pretty well until the next fit begins. I had two times again when I gagged due to the coughing and decided to try some stuff Amy had gotten for coughs. Three sprays and you’re done. I felt it working with the first spray. The stuff tasted like it came out of the musk gland of some forest creature, but it seemed to work. I gagged down the third spray and sat in the recliner for a bit. The coughing subsided quickly (and was productive when it was happening) and I was able to go to sleep. As I was falling asleep upstairs, I remembered how Mom would wake me up in the night to give me medicine because I was coughing. I’d tell her thanks and drift back off to sleep (yes, I learned to cough in my sleep). As I started to drift off this morning, I thanked Mom again for all those times she took care of me.

Had a few inmates tick me off today. Just not in the mood to deal with impatient, needy, whiny adults today. I was so tempted to be touching my eye all through the meeting, then shake their hand when they left. A gift that would keep on giving. But… I’ve restrained myself to this point.

Weird, my eye is actually feeling much better today. None of the pressure feeling I’d had yesterday evening. Maybe this isn’t going to last long!!! Maybe the Cubs will actually win the Series this year!!! Maybe Ashlee Simpson really is talented and the whole off-key screeching thing is her way of throwing everyone off!!! Maybe Bush is a fit leader who has an IQ greater than that of the average kumquat!!!

Happy New Year. I’m still sick. I think we all ended up getting hit by a couple things at once. The good thing is the kids seemed to be hit first and are getting over the worst of things now. That bodes well for Amy and I, I think. I half suspect now that I have tonsillitis. I woke up around 2 this morning and had this awful feeling and taste (kind of yeasty) in my throat. I gargled with some water and it seemed better. The problem is that I’ve felt drained all day long. I even closed my eyes for a second on the drive to work and almost ended up in the ditch. My eyes were droopy all day long. I think we all got so sick as the stress of the past year caught up with us. I know I spent the cold and flu season last year fighting to be sure I’d not come down with something as that would mean I’d be unable to see Mom.

Dad called on New Year’s Day. Another holiday without hearing Mom wish me a happy… whatever. Dad didn’t go anywhere on New Year’s Eve, ended up staying at home and watching football. He continues to struggle with the loss, as do I. I emailed Dad on New Year’s Eve and was crying the whole time I was writing him. 2004 just sucked so bad in so many ways. The only time we weren’t in fear of Mom dying was in the last few weeks of the year, when she was already gone. The best memory I have of Mom in 2004 is when she and Dad came down to Yankton to Riverboat Days. I know she had fun sitting in the sun and watching the parade. I hope that was a good memory for her as well.

I spent part of the weekend on eBay looking for ornaments for Amy, the kids, and myself. Mom would buy us an ornament every year. She started doing this the year after I graduated high school, said she didn’t know why she was starting then when she should have started when we were kids. I usually got a Coca-Cola themed ornament (with a few exceptions), Cole got dogs, Accalia got angels, Amy got a little of everything. I want to keep the tradition going. I found a couple that Mom would have liked for everyone. Maybe I’ll take over that bit of Christmas shopping.

Oh, slightly scary thing. Dad is going in because his doctor wants to remove a red spot from Dad’s face. Dad had skin cancer in the past but made a full recovery. If it is cancer on his face, it is likely the same type, which means a good prognosis. I don’t know what Dad would do if it is a more aggressive cancer. I know how much he misses Mom right now.