Dear Mom,

Been WAY too long since I've written. Don't think there has been a day that has gone by when you have not been in my thoughts for at least a moment. I think too long and the tears come, some days much easier than others. You continue to be missed here, always will until I join you someday.

Another milestone birthday would have been happening for you today if you'd not died. You'd have turned 65 (!!) today. I'm guessing we'd all be in Lake Wilson or meeting somewhere this weekend or would have celebrated with you last weekend during Riverboat Day. Probably would not have had Mark's crew celebrating with you today as they are moving Mariah to Northern. Can't believe she is already in college. Mark and Shannon have done a great job of raising an incredible young woman.

I'm doing okay overall. Need to get back to exercising and probably stop doing so much Facebook. I imagine you'd be on there in order to stay up-to-date with Mark's family, my family, your nieces, etc. My job continues without many changes. No raise for the 3rd straight year, which may stretch another year. I did apply for a supervisor job that I'll be interviewing for next week. Think it is already decided who will be getting that and it is not me. I'm not 100% sure I want the position - it would be nice to advance a bit, but the headaches...

I do SO miss getting your counsel and advice on SO many things. I'm still working at Pizza Hut to try to make up what I should have been getting w. raises. Economy is in the toilet, so tips are not great and it keeps me away from the family and our finances are at a point where we probably need to look seriously at bankruptcy. Amy has a paper route, but will be finishing next week. She is exhausted most of the time and we figured she is probably bringing in between $50 and $100 profit a month (taking out gas money, supplies, meals out when she is too tired to prepare meals, etc.) for working 48 hrs. a month on average.

I'd mentioned last weekend. Riverboat Days. Dad and Joan made it again, 2nd year in a row. Year before that, Dad came by himself to watch the kids perform. The three older kids all performed this year. Ella is like the older two on stage - just loves being up there - no fear that I can see. She did a really cute routine. Cole did a pirate themed tumbling routine. Had a lot of fun with the sword fighting. Miss Accalia did Pointe, Ballet, and Lyrical this summer. Have to brag on her a bit - I can't believe she is the product of me and Amy. She is so graceful on stage and does a fabulous job. She practices pointe every night. I was thinking last winter that there would have been no way you'd have missed her as a mouse in "The Nutcracker." She is becoming quite the young lady. Can only imaging how the two of you would interact.

Dad and Joan... Well, Joan is a very nice person. About as opposite from you as anyone, in my opinion. Perhaps not, perhaps I still don't know her that well. In any case, I never feel at ease when she is around. She came to the camp out this year with Dad (so he actually brought his camper!). They spent much of the time at their site, not socializing with the rest of us. Had me questioning why in the hell they had even come down. It does not seem as though they enjoy the trips to Yankton, esp. Dad. He seems pretty bored watching the kids perform, but he does it. We're thinking of getting them to the recital in the spring so they don't come for RBD - it is nice that they visit, but that is becoming a more and more busy weekend for us and the kids. Need either no visitors or ones that are low maintenance. Have some worries about Dad's health, but that is sort of an on-going thing.

Let's see... the house is falling apart. Storm knocked a branch into the chimney, causing it to partially collapse. That, and the recent hail, likely did some damage to the roof. Add to that a hole in the soffett in which squirrels are gaining entry to the attic in the winter, a missing facing board on the same side of the house, and a small mice infestation this summer (about 20 killed so far). Yeah, you might not have wanted to visit.

Went to the all-school reunion in June. Was a bit disappointed in how few people showed up from the classes I knew. Did see some people I've not seen in almost 20 years. With a few, could feel them wanting to say something about you, but none did. Maybe I wasn't reading cues appropriately.

Seems as though this year was the "year of the divorce." Amy's brother, Jeremy is getting a divorce, Amy's cousin Rachel, our friends Sara and Allen divorced... Not going to pretend there were not a few rocky moments in the relationship this year, but luckily we were able to communicate and get through and actually strengthen the relationship.

I miss you tons, Mom. I miss hearing your voice, your laugh, seeing you smile, hearing you get frustrated when Mark or I are trying to start an argument with you or when we tease you about something ("Can't think and drive at the same time"). I missed not seeing you get a flower from Mariah at her graduation. I missed not having you there to see Ella's first recital. I miss seeing you playing board games with the kids. I miss you reading them stories. I miss you sending them cards in the mail to let them know you were thinking of them. I miss talking to you about books you are reading, tv shows you are watching, movies you have seen. I miss standing in the kitchen in Lake Wilson and talking to you for an hour about whatever after everyone else has gone to bed. I miss how just being around you put me at ease. I miss a million little things.

Sorry... a LOT of tears just there... Letter was intended to be longer, but think I need to end it here.

Mom, I love you and miss you. I wish you were here so I could wish you a Happy Birthday.

Love
Cory