What a beautiful, crappy day it ended up to be. Mom would have loved the weather today. It was sunny, blue sky, temps. in the lower 50’s. Not bad for MN in mid-November. A lot happened today that I want to remember, and I’m going to try to go in chronological order as best I can.

I woke up when Amy got out of bed at around 7 this morning. I didn’t get out of bed right away as I kept thinking of what I had to do during the day. Amy told me later that she’d gotten up because she’d heard the noise of one of the dining room chairs being pulled out from the table, so she thought someone was up. She and Cole went down and found no one there. The chair in front of my remarks looked like it had been pulled out, almost like Mom wanted a look.

While Amy was in the kitchen and Cole was in the dining room (with a line of sight to the front door), Amy heard the sound of the front door opening and closing several times. She said Cole pointed and said, "Grandma out door." He saw her. Given that he is too young to really know what is happening, I can’t just write this off as a hallucination. He saw her.

Shannon (SIL) asked about my including thanks to hospice in the remarks, asking if I was happy with the job they’d done. I told her that over all, they were wonderful, that they’d gone above and beyond in helping Mom with a few miscommunications along the way. I pointed out to her as well that Dad had asked that I be sure to thank them in the family remarks. Don’t know why she’s so upset with the job hospice was doing. It’s not as if she was there more than once after Mom came back from the hospital. She didn’t get to see hospice working with Mom this time around. Shannon still blames hospice for Mom’s near fatal overdose last Christmas but no one apparently read the label until Mom had taken the morphine. As it turns out, two of the three from hospice were there, and it meant a lot to Dad that they were thanked by the family.

As we were getting ready, my uncle Neil, his wife and daughter arrived. We’d not been expecting his daughter but were really happy as it meant that more than half of Mom’s nieces would be at the memorial. Neil did come into the house and seemed to do okay. He and Mark seem to take after one another in that they don’t show a lot of emotion (guess that must be weak, huh?). We finished getting ready and headed to the church.

When I arrived with Dad, my in-laws were there. It was good to see them.

We were amazed by what we found when we got there. So many flowers and plants! I think there were 36 in all. Our arrangement, Mom’s siblings and parents had an arrangement (w. ribbons "Daughter" and "Sister"). David, Linda, and Eric sent a beautiful bouquet as well – Mom would have loved the arrangement as there were a couple of old books attached to it. The city of Lake Wilson sent an arrangement, as did the fire dept., the first responders (Dad belongs to both). My work here sent something, as did Lewis and Clark Behav. health (even though I’m just doing contract work for them). The health services from the prison sent a plant. Our friends, the Lepkes and Geraets sent a beautiful plant (which about broke my heart as Amy Geraets lost her father several years ago and knows about losing a parent, and Allen’s father doesn’t have a good prognosis with his own cancer) as did one of my high school classmates – Jon Bloomendaal. There were even things sent by friends of my uncle Ken, who’d meant Mom just a few times. Some from my aunt Pat’s husband’s family… The café in Lake Wilson sent something. So many. We broke down again seeing all the arrangements, knowing how many people are grieving her loss with us.

I stayed at the front of the church for much of the hour before the service. Dad’s sisters and their husbands made it, along with my cousins, Julie and Tim from that side of the family. The principal from Edgerton was there for a little while but was unable to stay for the service. All of my aunt Pat’s girls and their families made it, got to see my cousin’s new babies. It was bittersweet as I know how much Mom liked being around babies and her own grandchildren. I ended up having to ask my brother-in-law, Jeremy, to help with running the CD player for the service (thanks, Jer.). The time literally flew. Next thing I knew, I was downstairs for the family service. I broke down a bit during that. We walked back upstairs. Dad’s sister, Marian, played "Wind Beneath My Wings" on the piano. When she got back, Jeremy started "What a Wonderful World" on the CD player. I was doing fine until the line, "I hear babies cry, I watch them grow." My mind went back to Mom holding my kids for the first time and I lost it for a bit. I saw Chandler was also having a rough time as the service began. I recovered in time for my remarks.

I think it went okay. I felt out of breath as I started and let one big gust of air out into the microphone. I was amazed at how many people were at the service. The place looked full. I also saw the funeral home getting the plants from the back of the church and loading them up to take to our house. I got through it, which was important to me. I choked up with the last few words, but got to share some memories of Mom. Probably a grain of sand’s worth on the beach of my memories of Mom.

I thought the pastor did a good job with the sermon. I broke down during each of the hymns. Both were selected by Mom, and I kept thinking of how the music was a message from her to us.

Then, next thing I know, the service is over ("Joy to the World") and we’re lead downstairs. I stayed with Dad a little while, tried to help comfort Chandler (who was nearly hyperventilating, reminding me of what I was like when MY Grandma Nelson died). Our friends, Amy and Paul Geraets came down and talked with us for a little bit. I now know what Amy was feeling when she lost her father.

I started to feel the crush of people coming down and needed to get out for a little bit. I went back upstairs and sat and cried a little bit. I put back the CD player and got the CD of Mom’s music. I just looked around and felt the loss all over again. Cried a little more, then went downstairs. I ended up sitting by my best friend, Eric Johnson, his girlfriend, and his parents. We talked about some of the things we’d done to get in trouble when we were younger.

People made some sacrifices to be there, and I appreciated it a lot. My brother-in-law, Jeremy, had worked until 4:30 AM and had another 4-4 beginning Sat. afternoon, but he brought his family. My friend, Eric, had driven into the area on the night before to cover a football game, then had to drive back to Austin, MN to help put the sports page together, then drove back to his parents’ house. He and his girlfriend got there at about 4 AM.

I saw several of my old high school teachers and some of Mom’s former students and co-workers. Wonderful to see some of those people, horrible circumstances. There was even a highway patrol officer there in full dress uniform. Before the service, he accidentally hit his siren. Felt pretty embarrassed by it.

Dad’s sisters ended up leaving first. Dad asked that I let them in the house and pick out a plant (as he only wanted to keep 1 or 2 – he isn’t big on plants inside. Neither was Mom, she went with a "less is more" philosophy on plants inside, preferring to see them outside). My aunt Marian ended up taking the one from our friends. My cousin Julie took one as did aunt Marilyn. Dad ended up sending more plants with Mom’s family, my in-laws, and Mark. We brought back three plants and one of the bouquets. One plant will be going into my office. SIL Shannon was angry with me as she thought Dad should get to see all the plants before they were taken. I reminded her that Dad had asked me to go down to the house, that I was doing what he asked.

As people started arriving at the house, Dad and I took two bouquets to the hospital in Slayton, where Mom had been taken care of several times in the last year. When I got back, my in-laws were heading out.

Other family weren’t far behind. I helped my uncle Neil haul out some plants. He told me how impressed he was with everything that Dad had done for Mom in her final days. He told me he was proud of me for the remarks I’d made and that he knew Mom was proud of all of us as well. He added that when his time comes, he hopes he can face it with as much dignity and class as Mom and has someone like Dad there to help. Probably the closest to emotions my uncle Neil has come to expressing in my presence (other than anger, that is).

As we were getting my grandma loaded in to the car driven by my uncle Ken, Amy promised we’d go to Redfield for a visit. Amy also promised my aunt Terri that we’d be down to Oklahoma to visit at some point.

As the house emptied out, the plants thinned out more and more. Luckily, I’d set several aside for the rest of us to chose from. I do like the idea that so many people who love Mom have a plant in her memory.

My friend, Eric, stopped over for about an hour to get caught up on things.

We then got to work on Thank You cards. The funeral home has some that are pre-printed where you just add the name of the deceased. We got through most of the cards before supper and were done fairly early in the evening. Dad was relieved as he’d wanted to get the cards done. As we were finishing up, he asked if anyone had gotten the day’s mail. I went out – another 35 cards. We kicked into gear again. There were several people who sent a memorial to hospice in Mom’s name. Amy’s aunt and uncle, Ruth and Lloyd (who also had made it to the service), made a donation of some hymnals to our church in Mankato in Mom’s name. We ended the night with over $1200 in memorial money. Dad is planning on buying some easels and bulletin boards for the church (as we’d had to get creative to display the boards we’d put together). Not sure what he’ll do with the rest. Shannon suggested to him that he use it to pay bills. I’d like to see him get something for the playground (as Mom always liked taking the kids to play in the park). We’ll likely talk more about it in a week or two.

Mom’s remains were returned by the funeral home, left at the house when they delivered the flowers. Dad said we’ll likely spread them in the next couple of weeks. Odd having the last physical remnants of Mom in the house. Disturbing to see how small the box is. I’m glad that she was cremated, though. Mom always hated being cold and told me several times that the thought of her body being in the cold and dark creeped her out. I think Dad is now thinking of cremation. I know that is what I want done with my remains. Time for bed. Been a long day. The good news is that the kids are getting along great with one another. Chandler, Accalia, and Alec have been going almost non-stop. They will crash hard tonight.