This year has gone by very quickly. It seems like just yesterday that we were stuck in Yankton by a blizzard, enjoying our first Christmas w/out extended family. This year, we are back in Mankato and have enjoyed being able to go to church and be with Amy’s family. The kids opened their presents this morning and seem to be having a blast playing with all their toys. Last night, they opened the pajamas from us and their gifts from their cousins. Cole has gotten three Lego things, a build your own light saber kit, and a science kit. Ella got a toy laptop, a huge coloring book, some Disney princess stuff (including a game for her V-Smile pocket), and a new Barbie. Accalia got the new Taylor Swift album (not my favorite artist, but not as bad as it could be – think Bieber), a new Barbie, a fashion light box design kit, a potato clock, and a new game for her DS. Tylan got a huge coloring book, a Little People counting recycling truck, a dress up set from her cousin, a Dora dress up set from us, and a Leap Frog fridge play set. She has not taken off the Dora stuff since she got it on.

I am feeling the Christmas spirit a little more today, but have really not gotten into the spirit much this year. I think a big part of that were some choices I’d made in the fall that did have an effect on my relationship with Amy. Did not cheat, but was having some inappropriate conversations via social media with an ex-girlfriend. Very stupid on my part. I cannot defend it, can only say that communicating with this woman brought back some unresolved things from my past and took me to places that I'd not normally go. Amy has said she did not recognize who I had become and I have to agree. I have remembered who I am and how blessed I am to have Amy in my life. The whole incident actually has brought us closer together.




I can’t recall the exact date of when I first met Amy, it was sometime in either Sept. or Oct. of 1995. I was working at the Career and Academic Planning (CAP) Center as a grad. assistant. It was a great job – helping students with interviewing skills and resumes, getting information out to varying depts. in the college about internships, and doing some academic advising to freshmen who were undeclared majors. Anyway, I was working there one day when my supervisor introduced me to a new intern that had been hired for the CAP Center public relations intern position. A freshman from Mankato. Amy. I’d love to be able to say that the second I met her, I knew she was the one. Can’t say that though. I did know that she was very cute, had a great smile, a great laugh, and beautiful eyes.

I got to know a little about Amy that fall as we worked at the CAP Center. The other PR intern was already a friend, so I’d spend some time back in their office and may have flirted a little bit with the cute freshman intern. The flirtation amplified at the CAP Center Christmas party. I ended up sitting by Amy and some of the other interns. Lots of flirting, to the point that another grad. assistant mentioned something to me and told me to go for it because she thought Amy and I would make a cute couple. Amy and some of her friends were going to a movie after the Christmas party and she invited me along. I declined (stupid on my part). I was a bit hung up on the fact that Amy was a freshman. Wanted to avoid any drama.

So nothing happened in the fall of ’95 other than we were flirting and getting to know one another. In the spring, I got set up on a blind date by my mom. It was an unmitigated disaster. I remember telling Amy about the disaster of a date and she telling me about a date she’d been on with a guy shorter than her (leading me to sing “Short, Short Man” whenever I’d see her) and not really having a connection to the guy. We kind of danced around one another. In March, I went out to Rapid City to hang out with some friends. I had a couple of revelations as I was driving home. The first was that I was finally ready to get into a relationship again. I had been dumped, after being together for 21 mos., by someone I thought was “the one” after my freshmen year in college. It took time to heal from that, especially since there were a couple times I thought I’d be getting back together with her. I finally reached a point where I knew that wasn’t going to happen and knew that I was ready to get into a relationship again. The second revelation was that Amy was the one with whom I wanted to be. As I drove back to Brookings, I started to think about Amy, how much I liked her, how much I wanted to get to know her better, and how I was going to make that happen.

About a week after spring break ended, my supervisor called me into her office. She had noticed that I was spending a lot more time in the PR intern office. She cautioned me that it would not be appropriate for me to date a PR intern. Later that week, I was actually walking around campus with Amy, putting up flyers for the CAP Center. While we walked, I told her of my supervisor’s warning. Was kind of a way for me to gauge her reaction to what I’d been told. She didn’t laugh it off as being implausible that she and I would date, which I took as a very good sign.

I was doing a testing practicum class that semester and needed some volunteers to take some psychological tests. I’d talked with Amy and the other PR intern about helping me out and both agreed to take some tests for me. When it came time for Amy’s, I told her I’d make her dinner in exchange for her doing the testing. I remember it was a Thursday. We both worked that afternoon at the CAP Center. I brought her back to my apartment and gave her the tests. One was a long test, the MMPI-2, and it took her a few hours. She finished up and waited while I did scored things. Once that was done, I set about making us some supper. I ended up making spaghetti for us. After we were done, Amy offered to help me clean up. While we were washing the dishes, a small water fight broke out. Amy’s shirt was soaked, so I offered to loan her a shirt so she could be in something dry. We ended up watching some TV. and talking. I gave her a ride back to her dorm and we agreed to go out that Saturday. Before she got out of my car, we shared our first kiss. It felt completely right. My heart still races thinking back to that first kiss.

For the first date, I showed up with flowers. I wanted to let her know she was the most important woman in the world to me. The date was wonderful. I wasn’t sure where the relationship would go for sure, but I knew Amy was special and I wanted to be with her. It was probably about the time that I told her that I loved her for the first time that I admitted to myself that I couldn’t see my future without her.

We spent as much time as possible with one another that spring – Amy hanging out at my apartment when she wasn’t working or studying, dates on the weekends, meals with one another on and off campus. In April, Amy and I traveled to Lake Wilson for a Sunday dinner so she could meet my folks. She was a hit with them. Before we left, my dad told me “don’t let this one get away” when he was hugging me goodbye. I heard nothing from my parents except how wonderful Amy was. In May, Amy helped me celebrate my birthday by making me dinner.

The spring semester came to an end. Since Amy didn’t have a car, I agreed to move her back to her parent’s house in Mankato. We loaded up my car and took off. I spent the weekend there. I’d briefly met her parents a few weeks before, but got to meet her brothers and some of her cousins that live in the Mankato area. I also got to meet some of Amy’s high school friends. One of the toughest things in my life was leaving Amy in Mankato while I went back to Brookings.

I had started my internship at Lutheran Social Services in Sioux Falls, so I was working there every Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. It was nice because it meant a three-day weekend every week. Very nice, especially when your girlfriend is living a couple hours away. There were a couple times when I’d leave for Mankato directly from Sioux Falls after I’d finish work Thursday night. Loved waking up on Friday in that house knowing I was in the same house as Amy. We had worked out a schedule of weekends when we’d see each other – either me traveling to Mankato, Amy traveling to Brookings (and staying with her grandmother), or both of us traveling to Lake Wilson to stay with my folks. We wrote each other every day. Yes, actual letters on actual paper. I grew to love Tuesdays (would get two letters from Amy on that day). We still have all the letters we wrote to one another. A lot of plans made in those letters and they kept us connected. We managed with the letters, phone calls, and visits. Her first visit back to Brookings was pretty tough for me. I did not want to see her go and bawled like a baby when she did. To be fair, we were both in tears.

During one of the visits I made to Mankato, I can recall a walk Amy and I took around her neighborhood. I loved those walks – she and I hand in hand, talking. On this particular day, the subject came up about church and what we’d do in terms of church membership as our relationship progressed. I told her that I wanted to join the church to which she belonged. My first visit to Mankato, I went to church with her and was immediately welcomed by the entire congregation. I felt more welcome there than the church I’d been brought up in. Anyway, I told Amy that I’d join the church. I can still recall the look of joy on her face at hearing that. We spoke with the pastor about me starting some adult instruction.

As the summer drew to a close, I was overjoyed when Amy moved back to Brookings. I was preparing to go into my last semester of grad. school and knew there were some big things coming up. One of them was that I was going to ask Amy to marry me. We were already in the mode of talking about our future together, so thoughts of marriage were pretty natural. I also had to contend with my written and oral exams for grad. school and sit for my licensure exam. I also had to finish my internship. Then there was the whole job thing following grad. school so I could support us.

Amy continued to work at the CAP Center and took on an editor’s position at the Collegian. I continued the internship and started doing a Friday morning radio show with my friend, Eric, on the campus radio station. Amy was up early every Friday to listen to the show and record it.

September came and with it, came Amy’s birthday – her first with us as a couple. I can recall ordering roses for her a week before because I wanted to be sure to get some yellow roses, her favorites. She ended up drying all the roses I gave her and used the dried petals in the wedding.

We continued to see as much of each other as possible. Amy would help me with my adult instruction for church. I passed my written exams and the licensure test. The oral testing was set for Friday. That Tuesday was Election Day. I’d neglected to vote absentee, so if I was going to vote, I was going to have to go to Lake Wilson. I got up early on Tuesday and drove to Watertown. My aunt and uncle own a jewelry store there and gave me a deal on an engagement ring. I wandered around the Watertown mall as I was waiting for the ring to get sized. I bought some used CD’s and headed back to get the ring. With the prize in my possession, I headed to Lake Wilson. As I drove, I listened to one of the CD’s, a tribute to John Lennon. On the CD, I heard “Grow Old With Me” by Mary Chapin Carpenter. I fell in love with the song, especially finding it on the day that I bought the ring for Amy. I went home, voted, had supper with the folks, and headed back to Brookings. I can’t recall very clearly, but I think I’d taken a few days off from the internship due to the oral exams on Friday, so I basically hung out at my apartment that week and studied. I also planned how I was going to pop the question.

Friday afternoon came. I was nervous because I had no idea what to expect. The Profs. that were in my oral exams were great and put a lot of my fears to rest. I felt confident that I’d done well before they asked me to step out of the room. A minute or so later, I was asked back into the room and was congratulated on passing. I told them that it was going to be a big weekend for me, because not only had I passed that, but I was going to be proposing to my girlfriend.

To celebrate my passing (which meant I’d be getting my Master’s), I took Amy out to dinner that night. The plans were laid out to travel the next day to the Black Hills. We had a great dinner and the next morning, were on our way.

As we traveled west, we ran into some snow. I was a bit fearful that I’d not be able to get to where I wanted to take Amy. Luckily, the roads were open and, despite me getting lost, we eventually made it to our destination – Roughlock Falls in Spearfish Canyon. I had been there with some friends a couple of years before. When I saw the falls, I knew that was where I would ask the woman I love to marry me.

We got out of the car and traipsed through the snow. We reached a vantage point where we could see the falls. I reached into my pocket and dropped to a knee in the snow. Amy said yes and my heart flew.

We spent the night in Rapid City, made some calls to our parents to tell them the good news. The next morning, we headed back to Brookings, making plans for the wedding and our lives together.

I graduated a few weeks later and we headed to Mankato for Christmas break. We split the break between Mankato and Lake Wilson. Amy and I spent our first Christmas together engaged to be married.

The date was set and we were eager for the day to arrive. I was trying to find a job with little success. After the break, we returned to Brookings. I remained in my apartment through January of 1997, and then moved back to Lake Wilson. I had resumes out to every place where I could use my Master’s. I had nothing come up in January. February found me interviewing about every week. I traveled to Bemidji, Chamberlain, Onamia, and Yankton. After every interview, my first call would be to Amy to let her know how things had gone, especially after the horrid interviews.

I would spend my days in Lake Wilson bored off my butt, doing some housework, clearing some snow, sometimes making dinner for the folks. Amy and I worked that winter as speech judges, so she was in Lake Wilson every week in Feb. and much of March. It allowed us to be together. In March, I got a call back from an agency in Yankton, offering me a job. I took it with a start date of April 1st. The next weekend, Amy came to Lake Wilson. From there, we went to Yankton to find a place to live. We didn’t find anything on that trip beyond some very scary places that were to be avoided at all costs. Amy was making plans to transfer from SDSU to USD to finish her degree. There was one place we wanted to look at, but the manager was out, so I ended up back in Yankton the following week by myself and put a deposit down on the apartment. I then went to Chicago for a national conference. A friend in the counseling program had submitted something to present and needed a male co-presenter and chose me. The trip left from and returned to Brookings. I got back on the anniversary of our first date and spent some time with Amy before heading back to Lake Wilson. Soon after returning from Chicago, the move was on. I still had a lot of stuff in storage in Brookings, so the first stop was there before heading south. I got moved in with the help of Mom and Dad, and then was on my way to meet Amy in Mankato for Easter. I wanted to get the apartment set up as our home.

A few weeks later, she came to visit in Yankton and got to see what would be our first apartment. The summer of 1997 was much like the previous summer. I was able to arrange my schedule to either have all my hours in before Friday or to only have to go in for a few hours on Friday. I would either go to Mankato or meet Amy in Lake Wilson. August came very quickly but, at the same time, seemed to take forever to arrive. My new bosses were wonderful about giving me time off, even though I was technically still within the 6-month probationary period. Prior to the wedding, we went to Lillith Fair. Sort of a pre-honeymoon thing, I guess. Lots of performers we loved, including Sarah McLachlan and Indigo Girls

The day before the wedding I got to work at blowing up balloons with helium for the release when we left the church. Apparently, we got some cheap balloons as they all were on the floor by the next morning, so that got scratched. Probably the only minor glitch. The night before the wedding, Mark, Eric, Clint, and Seth took Amy’s oldest brother and me to a liquor store for supplies for a low-key bachelor party. We all had at least one selection of booze in our hands as we ran into the bridal party, getting supplies for their get-together. I think they had one thing to share. The “parties” ended up combining in one of the rooms in the hotel. Very relaxed. I was just eager for the next day to come and to make Amy my wife.

The wedding went without a hitch. I can still see Amy in her wedding dress as I’m thinking about that day. The most beautiful woman in the world, and she vowed to love and honor me and I vowed to love and honor her. Her smile, her laugh, her ability to put up with me when I am being goofy and hyper or when I’m being pissy and angry. Her wisdom, maturity, sense of humor, sense of adventure – a million little things that make her, her and that I love about her. All that still floods me when I think back to that day or when I start to think about how lucky I am to have married my best friend.

The reception was fine. The bridal party stole me and took me to a couple bars – highlight was Amy’s maid of honor (underaged) asking the bartender if she could get her drink “to go.” Amy was also stolen, though the groomsmen were following the navigation of Amy’s brother and ended up only getting to one or two bars to our four.

We had decided to have a dance, but decided against any booze there. Didn’t want to start our lives together with a friend or relative dying because they were drunk driving away from our dance. Our first dance as man and wife was the Mary Chapin Carpenter version of “Grow Old With Me.” The wedding party also danced to “Power of Two” by the Indigo Girls. The dry dance did not go over great with my relatives, so it was not hugely attended. We ended up wrapping it up about 30 minutes early. Everyone who was there seemed to have fun. I was there with my wife, so I could have cared less how others were doing there.

The next morning, we opened gifts at Amy’s folk’s house, and then got on the road for our honeymoon. We spent the first night in a motel near the Badlands. The next day, we made it to our destination at the Spearfish Canyon Lodge. We had a suite there for three days – our own private deck with a gorgeous view and a short hike to the place where I had dropped to my knee and proposed. We spent one night in Deadwood and did some tourist things there – since neither of us are into gambling, the history was interesting, but there wasn’t much other appeal there.

There have been a million things that have happened in our lives together since then. Pregnancies, births, deaths, losses, victories, illnesses, vacations, … I cannot imagine getting through everything without Amy by my side. I look back at everything I wrote and think I sound kind of clinical and detached writing about our meeting through the wedding. I just don’t know that I can put into words everything that I feel for Amy and everything that I love about her. I tell her every day that I love her. I probably don’t tell her enough how beautiful she is and how much she means to me. She is my world.